How to Build a Supportive Community

Loneliness is an epidemic within the United States. A study completed in early 2024 reported that 30% of adults experience feelings of loneliness at least once a week, with an additional 10% reporting that they feel a sense of loneliness every single day.

Those who experience the deep, seemingly never-ending hold of loneliness know how difficult it is to try to climb out of it. Despite the interconnectedness that online communities have lent us, many feel that it is impossible to make genuine connections in today’s age. It feels like everyone else has enough friends and there is no room for you in their lives.

Thankfully, this couldn’t be further from the truth. So many people feel exactly the same way - it’s just a matter of finding one another and fostering a community together. Building a supportive community isn’t necessarily an easy task, but it is one with very concrete steps. Here are steps you can take to help yourself start the journey of building a supportive community.

Figure out what you want.

It helps to be very intentional about what you are looking for in your community. For example, would you want to prioritize in-person or online communities? In the same loneliness study, Americans are split on the idea that technology leads to “meaningful” (54%) or "superficial" (46%) relationships. Would you want to connect over shared ideology, such as joining a community action group or volunteer effort, or something that is more laid back and focused on a shared hobby?

Also be mindful of what kind of person you would want to have in your life - the criteria should not simply be “someone who wants to be friends with me”. The only thing worse than being lonely is being lonely while being around other people.

Cultivate familiarity.

Becoming a regular at something is one of the more common ways to make connections beyond work and academia, areas which many people prefer to keep separate from their personal relationships. Some examples are taking a hobby class of some kind, such as metalworking or pottery. Going to the same yoga class every week or the same coffee shop at the same time on a frequent basis serves the same purpose. Meetup is also a fantastic way to make connections.

The above options do involve a certain kind of financial commitment, however there are many free options at local community centers or libraries. For example, the Providence Public Library has weekly “Community Makerspace” afternoons where people can come to the library to use various tools and craft equipment for free. There are many book club options as well.

Approach and be approachable.

Showing up as a familiar face is a great first step, but many make the mistake of allowing nervousness to cause others to view them as a person who does not want to be approached. There are many intentional and purposeful behaviors that can inoculate against this. For example, rather than looking down at the ground, allow your gaze to drift around the room and smile if you accidentally lock eyes with someone before looking away. If you see someone wearing a cool outfit, compliment it and ask where they got it. Arrive early and stay late, so you have the time and opportunity to make connections outside of a formally scheduled event.

Remember, you are not alone in this. Most people find making friends complicated, if not actively difficult. The person you approach might be hoping for you to take that exact step.

If our therapists here at Compassionate Healing can do anything to support you in your journey of building a community, please feel free to contact us.

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